Q: If Tucson and Phoenix are both in the desert, why is it always just a little bit cooler in Tucson than it is in the Valley?
A: Tucson is usually a little bit cooler than Phoenix because it is a little bit higher up. You may not actually have a sense of ascending when you drive there because you are lulled into a state of semiconsciousness because it is the most boring drive in the world.
Q: Why do people paint the trunks of their citrus trees white?
A: HA! At last, a question we actually knew the answer to without having to look it up or ask somebody. It’s to protect them from the sun.
We are soooooo smart.
To celebrate, we asked an actual newcomer in the office if she knew why citrus trunks are painted white, and she said it was to repel insects. These comical newcomers.We were going to laugh at her until we remembered she is much higher up the food chain than us and holds what passes for our career in her elegant and well-manicured hands. So we didn’t laugh.
Just to double-check, and to look busy, we called Ralph Backhaus, a professor of plant biology at Arizona State University.
Here at Valley 101 headquarters, white-coated lab technicians have been working round-the-clock to answer one of the greatest questions ever to cross the Valley 101 transom:
Do your feet get bigger when you move to the desert?
You know, we spent hours flipping pancakes, doing day labor, weeding soybeans to get through college, followed by years of crawling over the broken reputations of colleagues and competitors to arrive at a place of relative safety in journalism, and it comes to this: Do your feet get bigger when you move to the desert?
One of my masters wants me to fry an egg on the sidewalk. He thinks we should video it and put it up on the Web. I don’t know. I figure if it’s hot enough for a sidewalk egg fry, it’s too hot to be standing around outside frying eggs.
I told him it was a good idea, but maybe we should wait until it cooled off. Then, I gave him my ballpoint pen and showed him how it works and he went away happy.
I think the last time we did the egg-frying thing was in 1990, when it hit 122 on June 26. It was so hot that some big jets were grounded at Sky Harbor International Airport.
